Archive for June, 2012

My daughter has changed. She is acting like someone I don’t know or like…

Tuesday, June 26th, 2012

Each day I hear from someone that their daughter is just not acting the way she should be. “something has changed, she is secretive, sneaky and not too much fun to be around.”  Well depending on her age and your past relationship with her this may not be all bad. It is so hard for us as mothers to distance ourselves from our little girl. One day she is hanging on our pant leg not wanting us to leave  her sight, the next she is telling us to leave her alone and stay out of her business.

Believe me, it is hard on her too. As she is growing up and needing her own space, she is also finding her true colors. Colors that are very different from yours. Hard to read, but true. Change is uncomfortable for all of us. The need to be independent one moment and then feelings that you are angry with her the next make her feel guilty for simply growing up. This of course leads to more anger and frustration. UUGG!

I usually recommend that moms start thinking about this relationship change before it happens when your daughter is about 9 years old. You can make it better for both of you if you discuss feelings, emotions, fears and anxieties together. Remember, for a long time you were a Super Hero. You knew the answer to everything. She wanted to be just like you. You could fix her pain and take away the Boogie Man. Now she is realizing that you are simply human. Have you been lying to her this whole time?  She may just be a bit pissed off that you are not Wonder Woman!

Allowing your daughter to see your vulnerabilities as well as your strengths will create a relationship of trust during the pre-teen and teen years of transition for both of you. Communication truly is the magic wand. Listening to her when she tells you about the rotten chick at school that keeps flirting with her boyfriend may seem a bit tedious at times, but please take this time to put down the smart phone, turn off the computer and TV and just listen. You don’t really need to have a bunch of input. (I doubt she will give you much time to say anything anyway.)

Don’t compare yourself to her. Your daughter is not you. She is an independent, creative, lovely individual who you have the amazing opportunity to see unfold. You created the caterpillar and it’s cocoon. It is now your daughters turn to paint the colors of her wings and fly like the butterfly she has become.

I am not saying to let go completely. I am saying to watch, look and listen. Have a positive mind set. Be grateful for each and everyday you have with her even when she may be driving you crazy. One day she will soar and your relationship will change again. Change is good and it usually leads to progress.

Remember, you are both  women with the feminine power to make this world an amazing place. Living your life by the mother/daughter code of conduct will answer the inevitable question: “Who is that alien inhabiting my daughters body, because that girl is not my daughter!”

No, she is a gift from the universe! Tell her so.

Who is Kelly Marquet?

Tuesday, June 26th, 2012

Kelly Marquet

Kelly Marquet is a respected coach, consummate entrepreneur and founder of Legacy 4 Kids Foundation. In addition she is the outspoken author of the forthcoming book Sniffing the Ditch: A Mothers Guide to Triumph When Your Daughter Chooses the Dark Side, a unique look at a mothers personal journey of Love, Honor, Courage, Grace and Gratitude during a most challenging time.

Determined to build a community of women with abilities to create positive change, Kelly insist we as women have the magic wand.  “It is time we as mothers and women step up and learn the code of conduct and teach our daughters the secret handshake to change the world.”

“She’s feminine, decisive, and loving. She has developed an on-line program dedicated to The Mother/Daughter Code of Conduct,  a line-up of fun-loving experienced experts to help you ESCAPE Teen Crisis, and she offers personal coaching.” – K. Gray

Kelly is based in Napa, California you will find her on Facebook and on Twitter.

A Challenge of Change

Friday, June 22nd, 2012

Communication is the Magic Wand

So tell me, what would happen if we all took it upon ourselves to replace:

HATE-PAIN-ANGER-STRUGGLE-VIOLENCE

with

LOVE, HONOR, COURAGE, GRACE AND GRATITUDE?

Each day it is your challenge to make a choice and make this change. Then watch your world around you. You will be astounded.

One of the simplest ways to do this is to turn off the TV, computer, phones and video games. Talk with your kids about their day. Ask them these two simple questions at dinner time: Yes, dinnertime. If you don’t currently have one, create it.

1. What was the best part of your day?

2. What was the worst part of your day?

At bedtime, ask each one of your kids what they are most grateful for in their world. Then simply listen. It may be deafening.

You will learn a great deal about them and they will learn a lot about you as well. It is your job to participate and facilitate. It might be difficult at first…but stick with it. It just may be the one thing they remember most!

Danielle LaPorte – Meet Her, Then Introduce Your Daughter to Her Today!

Thursday, June 21st, 2012

Mean Teens and the Magic Wand

Thursday, June 21st, 2012

I wasn't born to be mean!

Recently it seems that there are so many stories in the news about teens being blatantly disrespectful and cruel. Today I see that 3 teen boys bullied a woman on a school bus to tears and no one stepped in to help or to correct them. Now I read on facebook that 3 other teen boys threatened a man and his Service Dog on a golf course with a rifle and a knife…

Why is it that kids are so angry, rude and untrustworthy?

I have been working with teens and parents for quite some time now and I have to say that it is we that are at fault. YES, not the kids here. Kids are not born mean. Some parents just don’t take parenting seriously anymore. There is little or no accountability for these kids. Parents themselves must understand that kids do and act as they are taught. They mimic what they see. Now I am not saying the parents of these kids taught or told them to act this way, but what have these kids been surrounded with. Who are their peers? What are their parents like? What do they watch on TV? What are they seeing on the computer? What the hell are the parents watching. This reality TV has become our worst nightmare. It is JUNK! Nothing inspiring just plain foul!

I hear people complaining constantly about how terrible kids are today…WELL do something about it. Stop complaining. Make a difference. Whether you are a parent or not you live on this planet. You are a functioning adult. Step up. Be a mentor to a young person. Teach them respect by being respectful. Teach them gratitude by being grateful. Teach them love by being loving. They will learn these traits from the very moment they are born. Let’s stop complaining about life. If our kids know nothing of violence, hate, anger, mistrust and foul play…they will not behave the way these boys have.

CRAP in = CRAP out. Not too difficult to understand. Children develop a conscience by the time they are 7 years old. What have they seen, heard and lived through by this time?  Trying to change it after 7 years old is difficult but not impossible. But it is so much easier to be a kind and loving adult who is responsible for your own actions. Live your life being grateful…If each one of us makes a choice to do this each and every day the kids around us may just follow suit.

Turn off the news. Turn off the negative programs. They are programming our kids as well as you! Be aware of who your kids are spending time with. What are they seeing on the computer…Who is it they follow? Break the spell.

Dream about possibilities. Allow your children to dream big. Give them an option to tell you each day about a wish they have.   Applaud them. Give them hope. Happiness is a choice. It is your choice. Show them that happiness and respect is a magic wand and they have the power to use it.

toddler vs. teen

Tuesday, June 12th, 2012

OK, so I think I have it…If your daughter is really easy to get along with and follows all the rules as a young little one …you are in TROUBLE when she hits adolescence. All things change, radically! I know this to be true…I have personally experienced it! However, if she is tough and she tests you over and over again as early as 3 and figures out a way to justify her actions. She will then get all the challenging bad behavior over with by 12 and be a model perfect teen. Then she will be your shining light- right?

Who do You Have on Your “Support Team”? by Ally Loprete

Thursday, June 7th, 2012

We are very affected by the energy of the people who surround us… especially the people who
we love most.

It’s not the easiest thing to admit, but often it is the support (or lack thereof) from our friends and
family members who make or break our success. These characters are only fragments of the
people we love most and our need to impress them is fabricated by our own insecurities and
fears. When we are working overtime to appease them, we become unclear about our own
intentions and consequently deny serving our happiest self. Our inner voice becomes silenced.
We begin following someone else’s instincts rather than our own, and consequently lose
ourselves beneath the confusion.

On the other hand having a strong support base, fans who adore you and are rooting for you, can
make a terrific impact and result in achieving your ultimate reality. I’ve seen people reboot their
entire lives by guiding the negative relationships out the door, shutting it and never looking back.
We all have complicated relationships. Its what makes our lives interesting! But if you are too
affected by Debbie Downer or Judgmental Judy, its time to leave the party and find a new one to
attend. Look for Supportive Sally, and Caring Cathy. Remind me to introduce you to Helpful
Helen and Positive Patty. These terrific ladies will be the best friends you ever had.

Self -employed Parent Enthusiast Ally Loprete is the Founder of OurMilkMoney.com, a
nationwide online business directory of self-employed parents, and the host of This Little
Parent Stayed Home, a live weekly radio show, on The Toginet.com Radio Group which can
be downloaded on iTunes. Ally is on a mission to help other’s deal with the sometimes
overwhelming prospect of leaving a full time job to start a new business, while running a full
time household and raising kids. She is resolute about creating a haven in which parents across
the nation will continue to thrive and obtain the support they need in their personal journeys.
Self-employed parents, list your business for free at www.ourmilkmoney.com. Private coaching
is available at www.thislittleparent.info.

the grand pep talk – By Danielle LaPorte

Monday, June 4th, 2012

the grand pep talk: decide to rise (refer to this when in doubt, or sick & tired.)

I’m all for mental health days. And gentleness. And I think the world should take the month of December off. And for the love of God, a 4 day work week would revolutionize the collective human spirit and thusly, healthcare. But this pep talk isn’t about taking it easy, this is about another form of self care: doing whatever it takes.

Just got dumped? Lace up your runners and move your body.
Under the weather? Go in to work any way, wearing your favorite sweater.
Up to your earrings in deadlines? Go cheer on your friend. Show up at the bake sale. Call your mother.
Crying before show time? Put some tea bags on your eyes. Say a prayer. Enter stage left.

Push. Turn up the volume. Go hard. Go harder.
Re-prioritize your aches and pains.
Infuse your sensitivities with courage.
Tell fear to fuck right the fuck off.
Devote to Done.

There are soul-justified reasons to cancel. There are times to just stop. This isn’t one of them. Keep going. Show up. Full on. Full tilt. Full out. Decide to be one of those people who pull it off.

Do what you say you’re going to do.
Don’t let us down.
Decide to rise.

Why decide to rise? Not for the reasons you might think. In fact, these are the reasons that will make you sick and tired:

Do not rise out of obligation. Do not rise because of feared consequences. Do not rise because you think being tough makes you smarter (it doesn’t.)

Decide to rise because you want to expand — your being, your life, your possibilities.

Decide to rise because super powers are meant to be activated and applied in everyday life.

Decide to rise to explore your place in the universe.

On the other side of deciding to rise is illumination, ecstasy, insight. And the angel of your strength is there waiting, smiling, applauding, with a goblet of endorphins for you. Drink up.

When you transcend circumstances you get special privileges. You get evidence that you are indeed amazing, and irrefutable proof that what your heart and mind choose is what matters. And you get the deep knowing that life wants you to win.

Decide to rise.

Lean in. Listen up. Closely.
It’s your soul speaking and she says,
Get UP! I need you. I want you. I am you. Choose me.
Lean in. Listen up. Closely.

Decide to rise.

To Learn more about Danielle LaPorte click this link!