Each day I hear from someone that their daughter is just not acting the way she should be. “something has changed, she is secretive, sneaky and not too much fun to be around.” Well depending on her age and your past relationship with her this may not be all bad. It is so hard for us as mothers to distance ourselves from our little girl. One day she is hanging on our pant leg not wanting us to leave her sight, the next she is telling us to leave her alone and stay out of her business.
Believe me, it is hard on her too. As she is growing up and needing her own space, she is also finding her true colors. Colors that are very different from yours. Hard to read, but true. Change is uncomfortable for all of us. The need to be independent one moment and then feelings that you are angry with her the next make her feel guilty for simply growing up. This of course leads to more anger and frustration. UUGG!
I usually recommend that moms start thinking about this relationship change before it happens when your daughter is about 9 years old. You can make it better for both of you if you discuss feelings, emotions, fears and anxieties together. Remember, for a long time you were a Super Hero. You knew the answer to everything. She wanted to be just like you. You could fix her pain and take away the Boogie Man. Now she is realizing that you are simply human. Have you been lying to her this whole time? She may just be a bit pissed off that you are not Wonder Woman!
Allowing your daughter to see your vulnerabilities as well as your strengths will create a relationship of trust during the pre-teen and teen years of transition for both of you. Communication truly is the magic wand. Listening to her when she tells you about the rotten chick at school that keeps flirting with her boyfriend may seem a bit tedious at times, but please take this time to put down the smart phone, turn off the computer and TV and just listen. You don’t really need to have a bunch of input. (I doubt she will give you much time to say anything anyway.)
Don’t compare yourself to her. Your daughter is not you. She is an independent, creative, lovely individual who you have the amazing opportunity to see unfold. You created the caterpillar and it’s cocoon. It is now your daughters turn to paint the colors of her wings and fly like the butterfly she has become.
I am not saying to let go completely. I am saying to watch, look and listen. Have a positive mind set. Be grateful for each and everyday you have with her even when she may be driving you crazy. One day she will soar and your relationship will change again. Change is good and it usually leads to progress.
Remember, you are both women with the feminine power to make this world an amazing place. Living your life by the mother/daughter code of conduct will answer the inevitable question: “Who is that alien inhabiting my daughters body, because that girl is not my daughter!”
No, she is a gift from the universe! Tell her so.