My Daughter and I Don’t Connect Anymore.

September 27th, 2012 | Posted in Hurdles, Life + Love

Are you concerned about your daughter’s self-esteem? Do you worry that she may not be happy? Has she shut down lately?Is communication getting more difficult? Are you wishing you still felt the connection with her as you did before she hit her tween/teen years?

If you answered yes to even one of these questions,  you are not alone…We have all worried about our girls.

The best way to  help our young girls is to help YOU. We as parents can be very hard on ourselves. We never feel like we have done enough. There simply isn’t enough time to fit it all in. One day we look up and our little girl is 13! Where did all the time go? Now we have damage control to look forward to…

Do these thoughts sound familiar?

“Why isn’t my daughter like hers, her daughter is always happy. She grabs the world by the tail. She gets good grades. Shes never in trouble. They have a great relationship. They do everything together. They can laugh, joke and shop without getting into it. What is going on with my daughter.”

As a mom, your personal mind set is your key – your magic wand…YES, I did write that. See, we all have mind chatter. Lots of it. Most of it we don’t even consciously realize that we are listening to it – constantly. What is yours saying?

Here is a list of sample sabotaging thoughts that have been randomly inhabiting your brains:

  • Sometimes, if you’re really honest with yourself, you may feel you are not “enough” as a parent.
  • You often use excuses, usually about time and money for not taking advantage of opportunities that are right in front of you.
  • You sometimes operate from a fear mentality.
  • You regularly focus on what’s lacking in your life, rather than on what you want.
  • You most always stop yourself in the “belief” process.
  • You allow fear of rejection and failure to get in the way of taking action.
  • You look at your existing situation instead of focusing on your dream.
  • Deep down, you may feel you don’t deserve abundance and success on a grand scale(whether you know this consciously or not)
  • You may be putting too much focus on the negative influence in your surroundings especially the news media or what others around you are saying.
  • You look at what others around you are doing to set your own benchmarks
  • You don’t listen to your intuition as much as you should.
  • You sometimes back away from uncomfortable situations that represent opportunities for growth
  • You aim way too low
  • You aren’t willing to speak the truth about your hidden behaviors
  • You numb yourself or stay too busy or scattered to fully receive your inner guidance
  • You don’t realize how your beliefs are creating your reality
  • You are afraid to take big risks
  • You are not clear enough on your own life purpose
  • You don’t always have enough confidence in yourself
  • You don’t take enough personal responsibility for your results, sometimes blaming certain circumstances or situations for what your don’t have yet
  • You’re afraid of investing in yourself for fear of losing money
  • You don’t always trust yourself to make the right decision, so no decision often feels like the better option.
  • You get frozen in your fears and stop taking action, even when the reward is right around the corner
  • You may be embarrassed or have shame about certain aspects of yourself or your life and that stops you from seeing yourself as being worthy of having it all and being a great parent.
  • You don’t believe in miracles, at least not long enough to let them into your life
  • You don’t fully believe you can actually achieve the massive success that others have
  • You believe in metaphysics but somehow have trouble manifesting the life you always wanted

If any of these seem to ring true to you and your feelings about yourself, I guarantee your daughter has picked up on it and she is rehashing it and putting it into her daily mind chatter to herself. STOP it before it’s too late! Only you have the power. Only you have the wand.

In the coming weeks I will be offering some great tools to get past these blocks and bringing you some amazing experts on this subject.

If this has been one of your true issues and you have any questions you would like to ask please feel free to email me personally at Kelly@Legacy4Kids.com. You will receive a response within 24 hours to your question from yours truly!

Believe in excellence and smile at yourself each morning. You are your kids treasure!

 

 

 

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Thank you Susan Cain, You are my Hero

September 26th, 2012 | Posted in Mind+Body+Soul

If you or your child is an introvert…please take a look at this great dynamic and shy communicator. She is a jewel!

 

 

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Pain, Sorrow and Gratitude

August 22nd, 2012 | Posted in Life + Love

Over these past few days I have seen two innocent children taken from their parents at Yosemite National park in a tragedy beyond comprehension. I have watched one of my affiliates and mentors witness  her healthy, happy 20 year old daughter suffer two heart attacks last Friday for no apparent reason and then lose her last night.  I have stood by as one of my closest friends fight one of the biggest fights of her life after so many other life altering issues over the past three years. Ouch. Too much pain, too much sorrow.

While all of this peril is happening…I am being blessed by a grandson who is due to be born to my daughter Kasey any day now.

My angel Veyah is here by my side. She is my light and my joy.  I wake up and go to sleep so grateful for she, her birth mother/ my daughter Kasey,  a little half brother we will welcome any day now and her best friend Amanda by her side without pause. The situation is not perfect by any means, but I am reminded how blessed we all are and how much love there is in our world.

I must give back. I am compelled to spread my joy and drown out the pain in others.

I am reminded life is not supposed to be perfect or without complications. It is simply a gift learned and then returned to the next one in line.

Bless those who are experiencing unimaginable pain, anguish and loss. It is simply not fair at this moment in time.

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Have Mother, Will Travel Authors Claire and Mia Fontaine

August 17th, 2012 | Posted in Hurdles

 

Listen to internet radio with Feisty Side of Fifty on Blog Talk Radio
 

 

Claire and Mia Fontaine, bestselling authors and sought-after speakers, share their own mother/daughter ups and downs with insight, courage, and a giant dose of humor. Following on the heals of their acclaimed first book, COME BACK, their latest memoir, HAVE MOTHER, WILL TRAVEL chronicles their trip around the world together. Filled with adventures, aggravation, and unexpected joys, their journey opens a brand new state of being that enriches both of their lives.

 

If you’re a mother (or if you just like adventure), you’ll want to be certain to catch this very special broadcast.

Listen to internet radio with Feisty Side of Fifty on Blog Talk Radio
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Giant Burritos and Vacant Stares

August 15th, 2012 | Posted in Mind+Body+Soul

This is my version of fast food…Today I was in one of my favorite Mexican restaurants enjoying fish tacos and a Corona. My little break from my computer and phone is a great joy in the middle of the day. I try to get myself out there in the land of real people and connect.

As you know I am an avid foodie and a huge fan of eating right. I do not like fast food and I try to convince my readers and peeps to avoid feeding it to themselves as well as their kids. This is the closest I get…

During this little jaunt I noticed a woman and her little girl sitting at the table next to me. The woman was very much over weight as was the 5-6 year old girl sitting with her. Neither seemed to be happy. Mom was texting on her phone while the little girl just stared vacantly into the space behind her . When the server delivered the food, I was astonished at the enormous size of the portions. They had ordered burritos with extra everything. Not one but two!

As the two started to eat the mother got increasingly angry at her daughter and started to reprimand her for not eating all of her food. At one point she yelled at her ” I paid good money for this lunch and you are going to finish it!”  Now mind you, this burrito was the size of a Nerf football. HUGE! I would of split it between 3 people.

The little girl started to cry and tried to explain she wasn’t hungry anymore.  The mother would not hear it. As the little girl sat there I heard her say “I’m sorry Mom, I will finish it.”

I was in tears. This to me made me physically ill. I knew if I stepped in the little girl would get a lot of grief later after I left. I also knew that by me reporting the incident  the little one would simply be on a list because CPS would not consider this behavior life threatening. However, I DO!

Others around us were pretending not to notice.

I wanted to yell and scream at that woman who was literally poisoning her child. I wanted to smash that damn burrito directly into her face and run with the child to keep her safe from her mothers ignorance.

I didn’t. I simply looked directly into the mothers eyes as I left the restaurant. I doubt she noticed. If she did, she wouldn’t know why this behavior would leave me cold.

What would you have done. I cannot get this out of my mind!

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Please Meet Brene Brown – I know you will relate to her message!

July 18th, 2012 | Posted in Mind+Body+Soul, Mind+Body+Soul

Brene’s message is a great one for mothers/daughters worldwide. Her explanation is not a “WOO-Woo” one but simply factual and direct. Please watch her TED presentation. It is an enlightening and comical experience!

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a declaration of deserving: by Danielle LaPorte

July 11th, 2012 | Posted in Mind+Body+Soul

You are worthy of your desires. Really wanting what you want gives you the power to get it. You were born free. (The more you try to earn your freedom, the more trapped you become.) You are worthy of love and respect. Lovable.

You deserve
: eye contact
: smiles in the morning
: food made with pure intention
: clean drinking water, fresh air
: Hello, Please, Thank you.
: time to think about it
: a chance to show them what you’re made of
: a second chance
: an education
: health care, including dental
: multiple orgasms
: weekends and the summer off
: 8 hours of sleep
: play before work
: to change your mind
: to say no
: to say yes
: to have your deepest needs met
: to be seen
: to be loved for what is seen.

You deserve all this just because you showed up.
Yep, you’re that monumental.

– DanielleLaPorte.com

 

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My daughter has changed. She is acting like someone I don’t know or like…

June 26th, 2012 | Posted in Mind+Body+Soul, Mind+Body+Soul

Each day I hear from someone that their daughter is just not acting the way she should be. “something has changed, she is secretive, sneaky and not too much fun to be around.”  Well depending on her age and your past relationship with her this may not be all bad. It is so hard for us as mothers to distance ourselves from our little girl. One day she is hanging on our pant leg not wanting us to leave  her sight, the next she is telling us to leave her alone and stay out of her business.

Believe me, it is hard on her too. As she is growing up and needing her own space, she is also finding her true colors. Colors that are very different from yours. Hard to read, but true. Change is uncomfortable for all of us. The need to be independent one moment and then feelings that you are angry with her the next make her feel guilty for simply growing up. This of course leads to more anger and frustration. UUGG!

I usually recommend that moms start thinking about this relationship change before it happens when your daughter is about 9 years old. You can make it better for both of you if you discuss feelings, emotions, fears and anxieties together. Remember, for a long time you were a Super Hero. You knew the answer to everything. She wanted to be just like you. You could fix her pain and take away the Boogie Man. Now she is realizing that you are simply human. Have you been lying to her this whole time?  She may just be a bit pissed off that you are not Wonder Woman!

Allowing your daughter to see your vulnerabilities as well as your strengths will create a relationship of trust during the pre-teen and teen years of transition for both of you. Communication truly is the magic wand. Listening to her when she tells you about the rotten chick at school that keeps flirting with her boyfriend may seem a bit tedious at times, but please take this time to put down the smart phone, turn off the computer and TV and just listen. You don’t really need to have a bunch of input. (I doubt she will give you much time to say anything anyway.)

Don’t compare yourself to her. Your daughter is not you. She is an independent, creative, lovely individual who you have the amazing opportunity to see unfold. You created the caterpillar and it’s cocoon. It is now your daughters turn to paint the colors of her wings and fly like the butterfly she has become.

I am not saying to let go completely. I am saying to watch, look and listen. Have a positive mind set. Be grateful for each and everyday you have with her even when she may be driving you crazy. One day she will soar and your relationship will change again. Change is good and it usually leads to progress.

Remember, you are both  women with the feminine power to make this world an amazing place. Living your life by the mother/daughter code of conduct will answer the inevitable question: “Who is that alien inhabiting my daughters body, because that girl is not my daughter!”

No, she is a gift from the universe! Tell her so.

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Who is Kelly Marquet?

June 26th, 2012 | Posted in Mind+Body+Soul

Kelly Marquet

Kelly Marquet is a respected coach, consummate entrepreneur and founder of Legacy 4 Kids Foundation. In addition she is the outspoken author of the forthcoming book Sniffing the Ditch: A Mothers Guide to Triumph When Your Daughter Chooses the Dark Side, a unique look at a mothers personal journey of Love, Honor, Courage, Grace and Gratitude during a most challenging time.

Determined to build a community of women with abilities to create positive change, Kelly insist we as women have the magic wand.  “It is time we as mothers and women step up and learn the code of conduct and teach our daughters the secret handshake to change the world.”

“She’s feminine, decisive, and loving. She has developed an on-line program dedicated to The Mother/Daughter Code of Conduct,  a line-up of fun-loving experienced experts to help you ESCAPE Teen Crisis, and she offers personal coaching.” – K. Gray

Kelly is based in Napa, California you will find her on Facebook and on Twitter.

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A Challenge of Change

June 22nd, 2012 | Posted in love+life, Mind+Body+Soul

Communication is the Magic Wand

So tell me, what would happen if we all took it upon ourselves to replace:

HATE-PAIN-ANGER-STRUGGLE-VIOLENCE

with

LOVE, HONOR, COURAGE, GRACE AND GRATITUDE?

Each day it is your challenge to make a choice and make this change. Then watch your world around you. You will be astounded.

One of the simplest ways to do this is to turn off the TV, computer, phones and video games. Talk with your kids about their day. Ask them these two simple questions at dinner time: Yes, dinnertime. If you don’t currently have one, create it.

1. What was the best part of your day?

2. What was the worst part of your day?

At bedtime, ask each one of your kids what they are most grateful for in their world. Then simply listen. It may be deafening.

You will learn a great deal about them and they will learn a lot about you as well. It is your job to participate and facilitate. It might be difficult at first…but stick with it. It just may be the one thing they remember most!

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